Greetings from the bottom of the tool box…. Salutations from the business end of a broom….A fine how-do-ya-do from the wide lonely aisles of Costco to the bulging, endless shelves of Home Depot. It’s a pleasure to make your aquaintance.

Let me introduce myself. My name is Gaff Stinger, and I am the only one qualified for any and all building maintenance issues at this here little operation. Due to a severe overbite and a somewhat greasy disposition that i can’t seem to shrug off, I am forbidden contact with all the fine employees at 323 East as well as the beautiful, well-spoken folk who frequent the premises who just can’t live without a fuzzy rat doll or a DanRock or a Gramma Whyte Honeycomb Special. Well, smelling purty and knowing that tennis shoes are “kicks” ain’t everything in life, so I have made myself useful in the grimier and less glamorous areas of art and fashion dispersal.

Join me for a quick photographic tutorial in the ways of the “backroom”, the sordid underbelly that is hidden from the modern “boutiquer”:

This here’s our new toilet seat. For about a month and a half, our head Niner-Manipulator was complaining that the old toilet seat wouldn’t stay up when he had to pass all that Vitamin Energy and Mountain Dew, providing for a somewhat uncomfortable and possibly unsanitary situation. Well, when old Gaff sees a problem, he gets out his aquisition forms and his greaseboard and his sliderule and he get to workin’! I walked 100 yards to the ACO and purchased this for about 11 bucks. What does Niner-Manipulator say now? ” I can finally enjoy this animal function once again!”

On occasion, a mishap of unmanageable technical ferocity will befall the 323 crew when old Gaff ain’t around. When this occurs, it’s a study in bloodcurdling panic and caos. Here we see marketing genius and former International House of Pancakes DJ, “Gutshot Flush”, attempt to repair a chair that has lost a wheel by smashing the rest of the chair with a hammer. Sure. It doesn’t make sense. But these are creative types, and it’s not for us to question their inscrutable ways.

Now, if you’re not into the finer points of pneumatic, copper-fluxed, chilly bulbosity like I am (or my brethren in the stationary engineering trades) you may just want to skip the following love letter to the Arctic Chrystalizer Oxbox 4000, the latest edition to the countless luxury items that make our employees more comfortable than any human beings should be allowed to be. One of the thousands of mottos we adhere to at 323 East is “Hot is Hot, But Cold Is Cool!”, and we back it up with the sexy little unit you see below. It’s totally encased in 80 carat faux Asian ivory, trimmed out in a very tasteful baba ghanoush tinted off-green. It is only one of 53 known to have been made by Bloody Eskimo Enterprises, and we spent HOURS online nailing this bad boy down. Don’t EVEN call it an air-conditioner! That’d be like calling a Payday Bar a mere salted nut log! Come on back to the office
sometime, and shiver your sexy timbers art lovers.